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Irresponsible, and unprofessional. (Please read, if you have time)
by , 06-15-2012 at 05:22 PM (1473 Views)
In April, I started school again. I decided it was in my best interest to acquire a grade 12 diploma, instead of having to resort to a GED or equivalent. This was my last chance to get a genuine diploma, and I took it.
Due to this, I have been focusing on school for the first time in my life, and put everything else on hold. I have had next to no leisure time that allowed me to
maintain a presence in many communities I once frequented.
My new focus on school resulted in my inability to complete a few (alright, many) outstanding commissions.
I do my best to maintain a professional reputation, but can be unprofessional at times. Recently, more than ever.
When I take on commissions, I have myself convinced that they are simple, and can be completed quickly. With that state of mind, I overwhelm myself
with them. This, of course, results in a very long wait for my clients and a lot of irresponsible procrastination on my end.
I have to want to do something before I do it, otherwise, I become anxious and put myself into a depression and do not provide the best work I can for my clients.
This has always been an issue of mine. It caused me to delay my own mother's book illustrations as I had commissions outstanding from others that I felt were more important.
They should have been done beforehand, but I put them off. I'll just do them later, when I have the drive- I told myself.
I finally, at long last, have manged to snap out of that mindset.
In order to do so, I have had to completely "shut down". I have not taken on any more work- even from my own graphic design business (creating logos, websites, et cetera). The only work I've taken on have been small jobs in which I know I can complete right then and there, as well as my own personal art that I create to maintain a level of familiarization with my programs.
It took a long time to realize that I am only human, and cannot work for days straight while remaining in good physical/mental health.
Until I am confident that I can complete everything in a timely, professional manner - I will not be taking on or making much of a contribution graphic-art-wise. Nothing the way I used to, at least.
Needless to say, I am taking a break. I do not like letting people down, or trying their patience like I have. Excuses get everyone no where, and it just prolongs the inevitable truth which may be that something cannot be completed. I refuse to further damage my reputation and image as the professional and reliable artist I truly am.
I am a professional person, and I have acted incredibly unprofessional while handling my commissions.
I brought this all on myself due to the "super-human" mindset I had, and I was foolish to think that I could tend to all I had going on in my life work-wise while balancing everything else.
The positive in all this is that I was able to learn the root of my anxieties and depression, have learned the capacity of what I am able to handle at once; will never again break the threshold that I learned I have.
I will not be the quick, active artist I once was. I will only be doing the things I know I can do, and in moderation.
Never again will I spend 24-36 hours awake completing things that should have been done weeks ago, or things that are due the next day.
I extend my apologies to anyone I have let down, and I hope you are able to look past the unorganized, irresponsible artist I had been turning out to be previously.
I have at long last managed to figure out what was truly damaging my reputation, and am working toward my goal/solution of becoming a better, dependable artist that one can count on for whatever they need.
I look forward to the near future where I can enjoy the work I do for people while also maintaining the joy, passion and desire to see it through to the end.
Rome wasn't built in a day.
I hope that I can once again rebuild my reputation over time with the Virtual Pet List members back to the point where you all know that I've got your back in the case of some sort of art emergency (lol).
I want to be known as reliable and professional, not undependable and irresponsible.
Anyway, that is all I had to say, really. I hope that it did not come off as some sort of sympathy grab or something, as that was not the intention at all.
This blog was created with the intent to admit my mistakes, and let all of you know that I am taking drastic measures to fix them!
Again, I apologize to all I've let down in the past (which I'm sad and regret to say is quite a handful of people).
I appreciate you, whoever you may be, for reading this entry.
I really and truly hope that you all understand my situation even though it was one I placed myself in, and will perhaps one day give me another chance, if the time ever comes in the future.
Thank you, and much love.
Bexxy
Tags:
anxiety,
bexxy,
commissions,
hiatus,
unreliable
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