Shade

Failure Father of mine

Rate this Entry

8 Comments

Shade

, 06-24-2012 at 10:50 PM (1170 Views)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLgPNilXHM4

What kind of father comes home and starts complaining, has a attitude all the time, and picks up on things that aren't done, or done the way he likes. What kind of a man is this, that he has such a title as a father? He comes home from work with a bad attitude. On vocations, he has a bad attitude. He's got this attitude 24/7.
What kind of father comes home and tells you he doesn't come home to deal with your attitude. Does he not see, that he is the one with the attitude, and it makes everyone else have an attitude because of?

He'd been planning for vacation this week, to go out to the farm and stay for a night, then come home and work on the house the rest of the week. One night away from the house. Mom wanted me to go with them, but i'd be sleeping out in a tent, while they would be in the cabin. I'd be stuck in this small tent with a rather large dog for the night. And all i do is suggest something to let me have more room in the ten(A larger tent) and this man starts up with his attitude.
What kind of a father cusses out his own kids, yells at his wife, is never grateful for anything, and does shit just so he can get a reaction from you that he knows if he does, then all he has to do is pick up the phone, and i'd be out of his life(in jail just because of him. It's been this way as far as i know, for the past 20 years, maybe longer. I stopped giving him reactions once i was 18, because of how it always went. He's start things, build it up, so that all i had to do, was even make the wrong face, and if he called the cops, they believed the older person.

What kind of a man, such as this and so much more, even has the right to hold the title of a father?
>_> And everyone wonders why i don't have a life outside of the house. I've bottled so much up inside for so long a full 20 years it seems, that i don't know if i might ever break at some point and mess the rest of my life up over it.
I'm not sure why i really bother much with this house. He's always tried so much in the past, and many different ways to try and get me out of the house, and out of his life. be it schools of any kind, or trying to hand me off to another relative. It took forever to get him to see i couldn't get a job if i didn't have a car of my own. I'm using my mom's car. And it's hard as hell to also find a job still. He's saying soon if i can't get a job and pay for it, the car will be gone. Then they are also saying if i can't get a job before i'm 21(Come October) then they are kicking me out.

What kind of guy is it that can't shut up, listen, and try to understand this world isn't the same as it was when he was our age.
This house has never felt like a home to me. My heart doesn't have a place to stay it feels like. Everytime i've gone out to look for a job, it just seems like the erdge to just up and leave, keep driving and never stop, is only that much harder on my mind to do. I can't even get a good nights rest because my mind is so set on wanting to leave this place behind, but i don't know where i'd be going.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I've gotten so close today at wanting to react to him for his attitude and tossing my laptop, just because at the time it was what was in front of me.
I had this before, about a year ago, the only thing in front of me, was a cup of milk, so he tossed that on me. And he's only inches in front of me, and i'm sitting on the sofa. And this was because i changed the TV to a cartoon my nephew would watch, instead of making him watch the news. I get stuck having to push him back so i can get up and try leaving the room, only to have him push me back down. That got to the point where the next time i got up, i gave up and let him win. And so while he's sitting on me, and calls the cops.
Thankfully the cops listened that time, to get the story and i stayed home. But still.

This time, i'd almost wanted to take the mouse and ram it into his head, but stopped before i did.
I mean, what kind of father does this.
Then on top of it, i've got a brother who is just as bad, with me as well(He's been kicked out though so less drama thankfully). But i mean really. I just don't know what to do anymore, it's just gotten to that point.

Updated 06-24-2012 at 11:36 PM by Shade

Tags: None

Categories: Uncategorized

Email Blog Entry

Main You should Read this. »

Comments

Lion - 06-24-2012 10:58 PM
@Shade broken URL.
Shade - 06-24-2012 11:37 PM
@ Lion Should be fixed now.

(Edit) I think, i got a different link though. But,s till, around the same as before. I'm not to sure honestly. As i simply went through my history list on youtube and grabbed one of the few i'd listened to while i was ranting this out.

Updated 06-24-2012 at 11:43 PM by Shade
Avalanche - 06-25-2012 03:57 AM
I know nobody's perfect, but you may also have to -try- to see through his eyes. I'm sure you've done things he doesn't like, just as he does things you don't like. That doesn't justify his actions, but it might explain them a little. Work can be really stressful, especially at the age your dad probably is he might also be struggling with getting older.

Usually setting a deadline for a child to get a job, or go to school, or do something in particular or they must leave is a good way to get a now adult child to leave the nest. It's not really unreasonable(at least it doesn't sound that way, but of course I don't know your circumstances), I know my parents wouldn't put up with me for more than a few months if I didn't have a job or if I wasn't in school.

Unfortunately there's no test to become a father, all you need to do is well... I'm pretty sure everyone knows that but at the same time, respecting him as your father may go a long way. I know personally from the men in my life that a lot of the time all they want is respect and appreciation. And before you say 'but he doesn't...' If YOU want something to change you have to make the first step.

I'm sorry to hear you don't have a great relationship with your dad. I know I'm rocky with mine as well, but I try very hard to still respect him as the father who spent half his life working to support me as I grew up. Best of luck to you <3
UlyssesBlue - 06-25-2012 07:32 AM
Under the circumstances you might want to move out. The immediate benefit is that you wouldn't have to deal with many of the issues you mention here, but you may find it will actually strengthen your relationship with your father as you will be giving him some space and also showing him that you are independent and mature. If finances are an issue you may be able to claim a suitable government benefit, and I highly recommend you look into what's available and what you would be eligible for. Living away from home and/or renting may make you eligible for some benefits that you are currently not eligible for. You may be able to get some guidance from a local office that manages these sort of benefits. See if you can move out with some friends, as the rent will be cheaper per person. Also consider replacing the car with public transport, which will be cheaper, or alternatively walking or cycling. Once you have a job try looking for rental properties nearby so that transport costs are reduced. Alternatively, extend your job prospects by looking further away, on the grounds that you can subsequently find local accommodation.

Not sure how else I can help you without knowing exactly what your situation is, but I hope this helped. If you're considering this you can message me if you have any questions and I'll help as best I can.

Good luck.
cpvr - 06-25-2012 08:22 AM
Your brother is bad because he learned your dad's traits. This is ridiculous on so many grounds, what has your mother said about this? How does she feel about his attitude? Does your dad have any mental illness problems? Because if he does, that could be whats sparking his attitude. And I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this, and I hope you can get it resolved somehow.
Shade - 06-25-2012 11:17 AM
@ Cpvr For my dad, i'm thinking it came from his dad. I'd seen how he was. but where he got it from i don't know. My dad has a sane mind, nothing mental to him. Well, that i know of anyway. My mother doesn't really say anything. She kind of stays back and out of things, then tries to later come around and calm the issues. During a problem, it can seem like she is trying to side up with somebody, and at the time doesn't really help with my dad's little raging fits. So she often waits until after to try talking to each person at a time to get her thoughts out to them, or trying to calm them down. She's a really great person, she is. And i care for her. But i mean, why or how she can just stand back and let it all play out and never question things, beats me.
cpvr - 06-25-2012 11:20 AM
Originally Posted by Shade

@ Cpvr For my dad, i'm thinking it came from his dad. I'd seen how he was. but where he got it from i don't know. My dad has a sane mind, nothing mental to him. Well, that i know of anyway. My mother doesn't really say anything. She kind of stays back and out of things, then tries to later come around and calm the issues. During a problem, it can seem like she is trying to side up with somebody, and at the time doesn't really help with my dad's little raging fits. So she often waits until after to try talking to each person at a time to get her thoughts out to them, or trying to calm them down. She's a really great person, she is. And i care for her. But i mean, why or how she can just stand back and let it all play out and never question things, beats me.

Well, she might be scared or fearful of him, thus she doesn't do anything about it. Some mothers are like that if their husband is abusive.
Shade - 06-25-2012 11:30 AM
@ Cpvr I keep asking her why she is still with him. All she has to say is "I love him"
Really, i can understand that she does. But i mean, if that's how this is, i don't understand why.
If it was me, yeah i'd love him some how, but i wouldn't want to put up with it.