Failure Father of mine
by, 06-24-2012 at 10:50 PM (1170 Views)
What kind of father comes home and starts complaining, has a attitude all the time, and picks up on things that aren't done, or done the way he likes. What kind of a man is this, that he has such a title as a father? He comes home from work with a bad attitude. On vocations, he has a bad attitude. He's got this attitude 24/7.
What kind of father comes home and tells you he doesn't come home to deal with your attitude. Does he not see, that he is the one with the attitude, and it makes everyone else have an attitude because of?
He'd been planning for vacation this week, to go out to the farm and stay for a night, then come home and work on the house the rest of the week. One night away from the house. Mom wanted me to go with them, but i'd be sleeping out in a tent, while they would be in the cabin. I'd be stuck in this small tent with a rather large dog for the night. And all i do is suggest something to let me have more room in the ten(A larger tent) and this man starts up with his attitude.
What kind of a father cusses out his own kids, yells at his wife, is never grateful for anything, and does shit just so he can get a reaction from you that he knows if he does, then all he has to do is pick up the phone, and i'd be out of his life(in jail just because of him. It's been this way as far as i know, for the past 20 years, maybe longer. I stopped giving him reactions once i was 18, because of how it always went. He's start things, build it up, so that all i had to do, was even make the wrong face, and if he called the cops, they believed the older person.
What kind of a man, such as this and so much more, even has the right to hold the title of a father?
>_> And everyone wonders why i don't have a life outside of the house. I've bottled so much up inside for so long a full 20 years it seems, that i don't know if i might ever break at some point and mess the rest of my life up over it.
I'm not sure why i really bother much with this house. He's always tried so much in the past, and many different ways to try and get me out of the house, and out of his life. be it schools of any kind, or trying to hand me off to another relative. It took forever to get him to see i couldn't get a job if i didn't have a car of my own. I'm using my mom's car. And it's hard as hell to also find a job still. He's saying soon if i can't get a job and pay for it, the car will be gone. Then they are also saying if i can't get a job before i'm 21(Come October) then they are kicking me out.
What kind of guy is it that can't shut up, listen, and try to understand this world isn't the same as it was when he was our age.
This house has never felt like a home to me. My heart doesn't have a place to stay it feels like. Everytime i've gone out to look for a job, it just seems like the erdge to just up and leave, keep driving and never stop, is only that much harder on my mind to do. I can't even get a good nights rest because my mind is so set on wanting to leave this place behind, but i don't know where i'd be going.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I've gotten so close today at wanting to react to him for his attitude and tossing my laptop, just because at the time it was what was in front of me.
I had this before, about a year ago, the only thing in front of me, was a cup of milk, so he tossed that on me. And he's only inches in front of me, and i'm sitting on the sofa. And this was because i changed the TV to a cartoon my nephew would watch, instead of making him watch the news. I get stuck having to push him back so i can get up and try leaving the room, only to have him push me back down. That got to the point where the next time i got up, i gave up and let him win. And so while he's sitting on me, and calls the cops.
Thankfully the cops listened that time, to get the story and i stayed home. But still.
This time, i'd almost wanted to take the mouse and ram it into his head, but stopped before i did.
I mean, what kind of father does this.
Then on top of it, i've got a brother who is just as bad, with me as well(He's been kicked out though so less drama thankfully). But i mean really. I just don't know what to do anymore, it's just gotten to that point.
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