Cpvr's blog
Even though I'm bipolar, it didn't break me.
by , 06-25-2012 at 12:17 PM (2174 Views)
Since I was diagnosed with bipolar at the age of 15, I've had multiple relapses, and they were my own fault. I got off my medications and tried to self-medicate with various things. I won't mention those things because its not so fitting, and I'm not quite pleased at those decisions that I made, but I don't have any regrets.
So flash back about a year and a half ago: I had my last relapse. I was full-blown manic with depression, and a lot of other issues, but it took a long time for me to fully recover from this relapse. I was rambling and had racing thoughts. But that didn't stop me from doing anything because a month or two later, all those problems were gone because my medications were fully in my system and were knocking out the racing thoughts and rambling.
So thus I don't use my disorder as an excuse in my life, because I continue on with everything I've planned and want to do. But, since I have this medical condition, I can't work, and my doctor/the government have me on social security. That was the best decision for them to make for me because when I worked before it was really hard for me to remain stable.
But, then again, it was also a learning process: learning how to cope, and fighting the disorder head on. I remember what a therapist told me in the hospital, and it really hit home. "Carlos, you can't keep coming off your medications! You need to stay on them so that you don't have problems ever again!"
He was right. Because when I was off my medications before, I ran into a lot of problems with the law, and I now have three cases on my record because of it. I had to sit in jail for 3 and a half months back in 2010, and that was my fault because I wasn't paying attention to my health, and it was a major scare. It was a wake up call for me because I couldn't continue on that path, which was, basically, self-destruction.
So, my point in this blog post is, no matter what you're going through, there is always hope, there is always faith to get well, and get back on your feet. I remember when I was still in the healing process, I was involved and chatting with a lot of other people like me, and made me feel so warm inside that others are suffering like me.
But, I wouldn't really call it suffering unless you're not taking your medications and not seeing your doctor when you're supposed to. I know what it's like to be depressed because when I was relapsed, I was crying for hours on end because my depression was at an all-time high, and everything was hitting me hard.
Like when my daughter's mom and I broke up, and I couldn't see my daughter. It brought on major depression, and compounded by not taking my medications, it was really a tough road for me. But then again, she left me for a reason. So when I got well, I looked at everything as a learning experience. I vowed to myself to never relapse again because I don't want my family, friends, nor community to go through the troubling experiences that I was going through.
Also, when you have a mental illness, it's best to treat it with medications or quality foods that are prone to help you. If you're stressing, take a break. If you're depressed, chill out, and try to get as much rest as possible: go for walks, clear your mind. I totally understand the pain and emotions behind being sick. It is tough, but as long as you stay strong, you can beat it.
It's just an obstacle in life, and when it happens, its best not to let it break you down, or make you gave up.
So, I just wanted to write this and express what was on my mind, and to say, I thank everyone for fully supporting me throughout my medical problems. And for those with medical issues currently, stay strong, the sun is always brighter than the dark side!!
-Cpvr
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