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Why is my friend lying, or doing these things?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Tantra, Nov 20, 2011.

  1. Tantra
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    Tantra New Member VPL Member

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    Well through work this past summer I met this girl that I really have bonded with. I really don't bond with people and become friends with them. But it just has happened and we have become good friends.

    Knowing her the past few months she has talked about how close she is with her boyfriend, and how her boyfriend wanted to settle down and get married and have a baby. When many times she was on the phone with him fighting, or telling me things about him that sent me red flags about him and her relationship and if it would last a long time.

    Also, she wears low cut stuff. Like low cut tops that reveal her cleavage, and hip hugging pants that reveal part of her ass crack at times and at times you can see her g-string. At times I have seen her deliberately bend down in front of guys so they could see all of this. Then she gets mad when they make comments or flirt with her. Anyway I have always looked past this, but worried about her at times and if she would be safe.

    About last week she tells my husband and I that her boyfriend/fiance was thinking of breaking up with her. Then she mentioned she thought she might be pregnant and wondered if he would stick around. I knew she couldn't be pregnant because she had her time of the month around the same time as me, and at one point complained to my manager that she needed to get into the office to get her tampons and indicated to me she was flowing heavy (not to be gross or anything but this is what happened).

    Then about a day later after she told me he was thinking of breaking up with her, she tells my husband and I that they are staying together and that she is pregnant! And he is only staying with her because of the baby. And I am thinking errrr hello you just had your period a week ago. My husband asks her when the last time she had her period and if she was sure, and she tells him she is not sure when she had it (ummmm you told me when you had it!!!), and he tells her she should go to a doctor and get another test there to be 100% sure. Then 2 days later suddenly she has seen a doctor and it is all confirmed. I may be wrong here, but I am pretty sure you can't see most doctors that fast. Unless she went to a clinic or something. And don't you usually have to wait on the blood work for a day or two, for the blood test?

    This is all just not adding up for me, and I am really worried for her. No matter what it is she can tell me the truth and I will be there for her and help her. I also hope nothing else is mentally going on with her either. I guess I don't care why she is lying and just really worried for her. She is a really beautiful intelligent girl, and should know she shouldn't have to be desperate to lie and keep a guy. Any opinions on this?
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  2. cpvr
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    cpvr Owner and Founder Administrator

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    You can get a doctor appointment quick - especially if its one of those clinics. They usually do the first response pregnancy test to let the person know if they're pregant or not. She could be lying about the fact she's pregnant so her man doesn't leave her - but he'll eventually find out if its not true.
  3. Tantra
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    Tantra New Member VPL Member

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    Yeah but a blood test would take longer for the results. I am thinking she is saying she is pregnant to keep him, and then she will get pregnant for real. I think she needs to have more respect for herself and just let him go.
  4. cpvr
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    cpvr Owner and Founder Administrator

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    Ya, there's a bigger picture there. You said she already had her cycle right? Then, she probably could of gotten pregnant after that[not sure though]. Ya, a blood test takes about a week or so to come in.
  5. Tantra
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    Tantra New Member VPL Member

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    Yeah I thought of that angle too. That would make her about a week or two pregnant and would not show up on a test right now. But as of now she is telling everyone she is pregnant and not taking the pill no more, so prob a matter of time she will be pregnant. Doesn't she know that she could further her education so that someday she can get a better job, and meet more people, and some day she will meet the right guy for her and be so much happier that she lived her life first. I know some people don't plan on getting pregnant and do and then go on with there lives and still have good lives and happy to have had children. I mean though she is doing this on purpose, and I think that is awful. But she is lying about being pregnant to keep the guy in her life or planning to get pregnant to keep him in her life, where she could have so much more things in her life down the road.
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2011
  6. Vella
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    Vella Approved Artist Approved Artist VPL Member

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    Uhhh wow. If I were her friend I'd slap her and tell her if she has to have a baby to keep a guy around, he is not worth her time.
    I'd try to get your friend to take a test with you so you can see for yourself.

    If she's pregnant, thennnn yeah. Oops on her part, I doubt things will work out down the road. :c

    P.S. I'd get a hold of her asap so she doesn't try to get preggors and make it legit rather than just a lie.
    You're her friend, it's your job to slap some sense into her, though no offence I feel more sorry for her bf than her. :/
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2011
  7. Arj
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    Arj Approved Artist Approved Artist VPL Member

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    Most walk in clinics'll only do the same kind of pee tests that you can buy in a store. And even then, a woman can't even tell if she's pregnant via one of those tests until some period of time after getting pregnant, which I think is like three weeks.

    ...what's worse though is if she is pregnant, something like 25 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage, and like half of those happen before the fetus is 3 months old. An acquaintance of mine, Kristina, was doing about the same thing and was so happy when she got "pregnant" and have it recognized on a test until she lost the baby like a week later. But your friend could've also had to gone to the office for smokes or her phone or something, but said tampons because you don't really tell a chick no when she's actively bleeding from her... yeah.
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2011
  8. Tantra
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    Tantra New Member VPL Member

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    @Vella C Raptor, I can't really slap her because I work with her and prob get fired for that. But I agree with you she needs some sense knocked into her. I haven't seen her for a few days because I am on vacation from work, so hopefully her roommate or family member who she is also close with can help her and get to the bottom of this and make her realize how whacked this is to stay in this guys life. Even if she is pregnant, she should move on if he just wants to stick around only for the baby.

    @Arj, that is possible that she wanted to go to the office for another reason, she don't like being at the register that much and any excuse to get away from it she uses it at times. But she did mention she had her period at another time. A couple of days later I came into work not feeling well and she asked what was wrong? I told her I wasn't feeling good because my period, and she said she knew how that was because she had hers too.

    If she is lying and using this to keep this guy, I guess I am disappointed in her and thought she was better than this, smarter than this. I just wonder what is going through her head if she is lying. She is also telling everyone at the store about this. I have been thinking about this, about how she bends over in front of guys and then tells everyone at the store everything, maybe she likes attention? I just hope the best for her and hope she doesn't cause a lot of problems for herself.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 16, 2013
  9. Vella
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    Vella Approved Artist Approved Artist VPL Member

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    Well, not a literal slap, but a verbal one would work just as well. xD
    I hope she comes to her senses, good luck! D:
  10. kami
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    kami Moderator Moderator

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    Actually, blood tests can be fairly quick, just a few hours or less if there is no line. Though if she just went through her cycle, it is doubtful that she is pregnant, but it's still possible. Some woman have ovulated on their period or right after and it's possible that they could've had sex around then. I'm not sure why she would have to take a blood test to find out though, a pregnancy test would be faster (though less accurate the earlier you test).

    You could always confront her about the issue and how you feel/what you think. If she's really your friend, she'd be willing to sit and listen (whether it sinks in is another story). See if you can catch her alone and chat for a few minutes about it.
  11. Moof
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    Moof Approved Artist Approved Artist VPL Member

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    Maybe she was lying about having her period and went to the office for a different reason? ^^;
  12. Tantra
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    Tantra New Member VPL Member

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    Thanks Kami. I haven't really got to talk to her since this has all happened or that I heard all of this. She talked a bit to my husband about it though. Since I am a cashier again I don't really get to see her plus I just was on vacation, I may have to be sneaky and offer to take her out to eat somewhere she likes to eat.
  13. kami
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    kami Moderator Moderator

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    Best of luck with it.
  14. Tantra
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    Tantra New Member VPL Member

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    This situation has gotten worse :(.

    Well we do have a pregnant girl at work, and I was talking to my friend about her and her name slipped my mind so I said "the pregnant girl" and then I said to my friend "hey you are the pregnant girl now too". She then says oh but I am not pregnant, I don't know if she meant she is not that pregnant yet or not pregnant at all. And I was like but you are pregnant, and they she was like oh that is right.

    Then she was talking about a guy at work that she has a crush on, even though she engaged to this guy who she is pregnant with. She then says "Oh if for some reason I am suddenly not pregnant I would so be with this other guy". I am thinking this is a horrible thing to say if she is pregnant, talking about losing her baby. And she knows that my husband and I tried a while ago to have a baby and lost it and since then been told I am not healthy enough to have a baby. So why the hell would she say such a thing?

    Then we were talking and I asked her if things were better between her boyfriend and all, and asked if he now wanted to be with her and not just because of the baby. And then she told me he never said that, but she felt that, she felt that if she wasn't pregnant he wouldn't be there. She originally told everyone at work that he said he was just there for the baby. I wonder how he would feel if he knew she had said that about him?

    Then one day her roommate came into the store, and she pulls me to the side and tells me "Oh my roommate don't know I am pregnant please don't say anything while she is here". This got me to thinking that she was lying again, and her roommate knows better and knows when she gets her periods and such because they share the same bathroom.

    Then about 2 days ago, she said her boyfriend came into the store, and she had to tell everyone that he didn't know about the pregnancy and she said she hadn't told him yet, when in the beginning she said they were going to break up and if it wasn't for the baby he would be gone? I am like thinking what the hell??? What is she some kind of pathlogical liar?? I couldn't say anything I was lost for words. I don't even think I really want to be friends with her now, how can I be when I don't even know what is real with this girl no more? And I can't really confront her because I work with her and everyone that she is lying to believes her, so if I said something I would prob look like an ass to everyone. I will prob remove myself from this situation and just not get involved.
  15. cpvr
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    cpvr Owner and Founder Administrator

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    I can honestly say I wouldn't be friends with someone who lied to me. Trust is everything these days.
  16. Vella
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    Vella Approved Artist Approved Artist VPL Member

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    Shoot. Have to agree with cpvr to.

    I'd ask her out in front of everyone and be like "Okay, so I'm curious, are you pregnant or not because first you said you are and your boyfriend knows now suddenly he doesn't? I'm confused."
    So she'd have to give me a straight answer. Or just take her to the side and say as her best friend you're not happy with being lied to and see if she'll tell you what is going on that way.
  17. bamboo123
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    bamboo123 Approved Artist Approved Artist VPL Member

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    or maybe you can just go along with it... She keep this going on and she'll get to the point where there's no hope for her... She lied to you even though you two were good friends... And the other workers probably doesn't believe her... but just went along... I know it, I tried it once. But you said you no longer wanna bother, so you can use this move. But if you still wanna be friends with her, you'll tell her...

    if you wanna continue be friends, you tell her. 50% chance that she'll change and be a better person. And 50% chance that she'll think you're too smart for your own good and MAYBE spread rumors about you/etc...
    if you no longer wanna bother, just go along with everything... it'll come to the point (( maybe a few months? )) when her stomach isn't getting any bigger... Then everyone will be curious... She'll have nothing to say... or maybe she can make a freak accident? like her baby dropped or something? (( obviously she'd never had the feeling of a lady that cant have babies/dropped their babies... my friend dropped hers and she was depressed, sooo depressed... D: )) Then maybe she'll be happy cuz MAYBE her boyfriend decided to stay with her? But in the end, everyone gets on with their own lives :3
  18. Tantra
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    Tantra New Member VPL Member

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    Yes, I agree with all the posts with not being friends with her no more. I am not that close with other people that I work with for several reasons, but it is making me so angry that she is lying to these people and making fools out of them, and they really seem to believe her. I really don't want to confront her or bring this up with anyone else, because I feel she will twist things around and make me the ass out of the situation.

    Today I go into work and she says she has her period and she is sooooo scared, I saw this coming a mile away. I think it is because the other day I worked with her I was really asking her questions, and her answers were weird because she had no time to think up the answers. So I think this is why suddenly she has her period and is scared with what is happening to her? I asked her if she was really sick before this or in pain, because I know I have gone through a miscarriage. She said no. She seemed perfectly fine to me. If she was really going through a this.... she would be in a lot of pain and sick. And what made me sick was at times she was all happy and joking around with customers, and at times really egging it on that she was upset... and what really made me sick she was telling all the customers all about this. Which when I went through this I kept it to myself and didn't really want to talk about it.

    I agree I will be nice to her at work and not say anything but I will not be her friend no more.
  19. Tantra
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    Tantra New Member VPL Member

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    Another thing about last week her stomach looked slightly big like her belly was bloated from having her period. A few times she had her hand on her stomach and made a sound like she was having cramps. I noticed this because knowing her the last few months she has her period a week before mine. And when she realized I had saw her she said she had to use the bathroom like it was cramps from having to go to the bathroom or something? Then she told a girl at my work who is pregnant she hasn't seen the doctor at all, and also told me she hasn't gone to the doctor at all because she can't tell anyone in her life she is pregnant and if he goes to see the doctor they will know. What she don't know is my husband asked her if she went to the doctor and she said yes, she don't know that he told me that. So another lie there. Anyway I wash my hands of this.
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